Thursday, October 23, 2003

Down, but not out

There is no heart ache more
painful than the first rejection.
However, after a couple of rejections,
you become a pro.

But nothing comes near to that
first time rejection.
The pain, the bitterness,
the loss of face.
It is an exquisite feeling
of shame, hurt.

You feel it is the end of the world.
You feel as though you got
such an awful love battered face,
that you wish to erase it
from everyones memory, forever.

You wish you were an
ostrich, that you could
bury that face in the sand.
Eternally.

You lose your appetite,
You feel suicidal.
You feel so negative that
sob love songs become
your anthems. Girls, ooh
you dont want them again.

Ever in your life.

But then,
after all said and done,
you look at another new face
and you feel the pulse again.
You feel wonderfully alive.

Ready, to be battered again.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

The Latest Tragedy of my life

When I joke, people
treat me solemnly.
As though I am
reading the obituary,
of a dear departed aunt.

When I am serious,
people laugh their heads off,
as though I am Charlie
Chaplins avatar.

This has been, the
tragedy of my life.

Why, see that gorgeous woman
across the table? Years ago,
she was my first and
only original love
(all the others were carbons).

Yet she had laughed mirthfully,
when I solemnly
proposed to her.
She said, she knew I
was just joking, and that, I was
sweet (ugh, what a bitter word).


I was distraught. But, I did not,
drown myself in drinks
and
bawl out outrageous heart break sob songs
and
kill myself imaginatively.

Instead,
I went to the
gym and punched the sand bag
(yes, my sadistic coach had
filled it with sand),
till my knuckles
bled raw, and I felt
empty of her.

When I look at her, now,
I am feeling the same,
intense aching pain.

In my gnarled disfigured knuckles !

God, now, my heart too
is laughing at me.