Sunday, November 30, 2003

Unfunny Moments

AS A KID

Me Mom told “ If someone asks
you to eat something, please say
politely, Thank you, I’m not hungry.”
Because, I had this awful
habit of wolfing down food, not
unlike, Mowgli…

So, in a friends house,
when his Mom asked, “Why don’t
you eat something,” I said,
“Thank you, I’ m not hungry,
though I am starving.”
His Mom looked amused
at my reply.

I wish I could say that about
me Mom, when I truthfully
told her how I had followed her
instruction to the word.

AS A 12 YR OLD

The guy whom I worshipped,
whom I thought was a genius,
answered to my curious query,
of why the Queen of England always
wore gloves when she shook
hands with the public?
“Because”, he said, with his I-know-all-
look, “If she shakes hand with any man
with her bare hands,
then she’ll become pregnant.”

I wish I had kept that ultimate secret
to human procreation to myself,
instead of imitating my hero and narrating it
to the class in my next school.

I wish I could forget the howls of
derisive laughter that followed…

AS A YOUNG GUY COURTING

I was tagged with this nice chick,
and one evening, when she came late
for a tete-a-tete,
I asked , why she was late ?
“I had gone to the Veterinary Clinic,” she said.
Confused, I asked, “Why, what was wrong
with you ?”
“No, no,” she said, “I had gone with
my Uncle.”
“Why?” I asked, still puzzled,
“What was wrong with him?”

By the time I could understand
that it was her Uncle’s dog
that had some problems,
I had plenty of my own and
the chick ceased to be nice.

AT THE MOMENT

At a crowded party,
I was deciphering Milan Kundera’s
“Why Do People Write”, to a spell bound
audience of five that got
mysteriously reduced
to one, when I returned with a refill.
She was pretty and receptive to
my ramblings, but
she never spoke a word. Just
kept nodding and fluttering
her eyelids.
Until, the hostess came and
spoke to my admirer in
French.
“What's going on?” I asked.
Pretty chattered something
to the hostess.
“She is telling me” the hostess
translated, “ That though she doesn’t
understand English , she loved
your animated expressions.”

No wonder, I
don’t often smile .

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